Integrated Soul Co.

And in one conversation her voice was taken.

I should have asked more questions, taken more time to pray and contemplate what I was doing. I believed (falsely) that because someone “said so” that I needed to do what I was told.

Because I thought I needed to ask permission and follow the rules even when they went against everything I believed in. I gave my power away. I settled for rules and shoved it all into a box that was ill-fitting, fit myself into a corset that wasn’t made for me. I forgot about free will and choice  and agency and using my mind and trusting the Voice within to guide me.

The problem is I never stopped believing in my calling. I just gave up, with the calling still burning inside me.

I tried to pretend that I was okay with it and even made stories up to convince myself that was the way it was going to be. I figured out a way to tell a new story, one that didn’t include music but I didn’t believe it at all. I was numb.

After a couple of years of trying to put out the fire, it became relentless, burning within me. How could I NOT do the one thing I knew I was born to do? What made me come alive, what filled my soul and brought joy to my soul, and healing to others?

It’s no wonder I became a shell of a person. I had lost my purpose and it wasn’t coming back.

Again and again, I asked. And every time the gatekeepers said “no.”

They said “no” to being who I was created to be.
They said “no” to allowing me to be myself.
They said “no” to the gifts I had to offer.
They said “you’re too much.”
They said “you’re not enough.”
They said “there’s nothing you can do to participate”.
They said my dreams needed to die.

Everything I had laid bare and had been vulnerable about was used against me.

Well, they succeeded — my soul was dead.
It’s enough to make a girl go mad.

After four years I said enough; I took my voice back and I walked away.